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3 Myths About Workplace Communication That Could Make You Less Successful

Tweak your approach to avoid these common pitfalls



Businessmen discussing work


By Shana Lebowitz

When it comes to professional communication, there's a lot of bogus science out there. And unless you're a trained scientist, it can be hard to know what to believe and what to dismiss.

According to Elizabeth Stokoe, Ph.D., a professor of social interaction at Loughborough University in the UK, there are a few huge misconceptions that steer people wrong when they're interacting with clients and coworkers.

Stokoe developed the Conversation Analytic Role-Play Method (CARM), a technique for communication training, and has spent years analyzing everything from sales calls to dialogue between romantic partners.

We reached out to her to learn more about the myths she most often encounters and what the research shows you should do instead.

Myth #1: You should use your conversation partner's name a lot.
Many people believe it's important to continually address your partner by name, Stokoe said. But doing so can sound unnatural and a little unnerving.

In face-to-face or phone conversations, using your partner's name acts as a "summons," she said. "You know it's probably going to be a complaint or the start of an argument. It doesn't really build rapport — it just puts people on their guard because they're expecting they're going to be admonished or there's going to be an argument."

Myth #2: Body language reveals what speech hides.
"When people think about body language, what they tend to think of is something that is lying behind words, that is giving away what you really think," said Stokoe.

Yet Stokoe said the idea that body language reveals what language hides is often speculative and not based on real interaction. In a face-to-face interaction, she said, "what people do with their bodies goes along with talk. If I scratch my nose, it's not because I'm lying."

Myth #3: Silence means someone is thinking.
"People who don't study interaction tend to think that silence is what happens between turns of talk because people need time to process what they're going to do next," she said.

But people don't really need much time to process what they've heard and figure out how they're going to respond. In fact, if you look at smoothly progressing interactions, there are typically no gaps in dialogue. That's why a delay of even a fifth of a second could potentially indicate that there's some kind of problem.

For example, when people are surprised or annoyed by a particular question, they might not respond immediately. In sales calls that she's analyzed, Stokoe's found that when salespeople ask, "How did you hear about us?" right away, there tends to be a long silence afterward.

On the other hand, when they wait until the end of the call to ask, "Would you mind telling me how you heard about us?" the client typically responds right away.

Unfortunately, most salespeople don't pick up on what that silence implies until Stokoe steps in and listens to the call recordings.

Once she hears the recordings and figures out the source of the misalignment between the two parties, she trains salespeople to tweak their techniques so they're more successful.      

13 Secrets for Performing Better Under Pressure

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


Think of high-pressure moments as a (fun) challenge, not a life-or-death threat.
Most people see "pressure situations" as threatening, and that makes them perform even less well. "Seeing pressure as a threat undermines your self-confidence; elicits fear of failure; impairs your short-term memory, attention, and judgment; and spurs impulsive behavior," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry write. "It also saps your energy."

In short, interpreting pressure as threat is generally very bad. Instead, try shifting your thoughts: Instead of seeing a danger situation, see a challenge.

"When you see the pressure as a challenge, you are stimulated to give the attention and energy needed to make your best effort," they write. To practice, build "challenge thinking" into your daily life: It's not just a project; it's an opportunity to see if you can make it your best project ever.

Remind yourself that this is just one of many opportunities.
Is this high-pressure situation a good opportunity? Sure. Is it the only opportunity you will ever have for the rest of your life? Probably not.

"The fact is, it is realistic to think that additional opportunities will come your way," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry write, who encourage you to consider how many people needed multiple chances to ultimately succeed. (We have a few examples here.)

Before an interview or a big meeting, give yourself a pep talk, they advise: "I will have other interviews" (or presentations or sales calls).

Focus on the task, not the outcome.
This might be the easiest tactic of all, according to Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry: Instead of worrying about the outcome, worry about the task at hand.

That means developing tunnel vision, they explain. When you keep your eye on the task at hand (and only the task at hand), all you can see is the concrete steps necessary to excel.

For a student writing a paper, that means concentrating on doing stellar research — not obsessing about the ultimate grade, what will happen if you don't get it, and whether you should have majored in economics after all.

Let yourself plan for the worst.
"What-if" scenarios can be your friend. By letting yourself play out the worst-case outcomes, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry say, you're able to brace yourself for them.

What if you're giving a presentation and you lose all your slides? What if you find out at the last minute you only have half the time you thought you did? What if, three minutes before you're supposed to begin, you spill coffee all over your shirt?

The key here is that you're anticipating the unexpected. "It can protect you from a pressure surge by allowing you to prepare for and thus be less startled by the unexpected." Instead of panicking, you'll be able to (better) "maintain your composure and continue your task to the best of your ability."

Take control.
In a pressure moment, there are factors you have control over and factors you don't.

But when you focus on those "uncontrollables," you end up intensifying the pressure, increasing your anxiety, and ultimately undermining your confidence, write Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry. What you want to do is focus on the factors you can control.

In the case of an interview, for example, don't let yourself think about who else might have applied for the job, ways the manager could be biased against you, or whether the interviewer will like your outfit. The only thing that matters? Preparing to show them you're right for the role.

Flash back to your past successes.
"Remembering your past success ignites confidence," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry write. "You did it before, and you can do it again."

Once you're feeling good about yourself, you'll be better able to cut through anxiety and take care of business.

Be positive before and during high-pressure moments.
In what comes as a surprise to no one (but bears repeating anyway), cultivating a positive attitude goes a long way.

"Belief in a successful outcome can prevent you from worry that can drain and distract your working memory," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry explain. "Anxiety and fear are stripped from the equation, allowing you to act with confidence." This will work out. You will be great. You're going to succeed.

Get in touch with your senses.
When you're under deadline and the world feels like it's crashing in, you're particularly prone to making careless errors — slips you never would have made if you'd felt on top of the situation.

To depressurize the situation, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry advise focusing on the here and now. Tune into your senses, they say. What do you see? What do you hear? How's your breathing?

Listen to music — or make some.
"What makes this pressure solution so effective is that it reduces the culprit behind choking — increased anxiety," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry explain.

By listening to music, you're able to literally distract yourself from your anxiety. And conveniently, this trick is extremely easy to put into practice: The next time you're facing a high-pressure situation — a big presentation, for example — spend the few minutes before listening to your pump-up tunes right up until it's time to take the stage.

Create a pre-performance routine.
The idea here is to create a (brief) routine that you go through in the minutes before you present or perform, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry suggest.

A "pre-routine" prevents you from becoming distracted (how can you panic when you're doing your push-ups?), keeps you focused, and puts you in the "zone" by signaling to your body it's time to perform. Here are their tips for creating yours:
  • Keep it short
  • Do it immediately before The Event
  • Include a mental component (reviewing key points, anticipating the types of problems your about to face, etc.)
  • Include a physical component (breathing, power posing, etc.)
  • Include a visualization of yourself succeeding
  • Finish with an "anchor word or phrase that signals you're ready for showtime"

Slow down.
When you're in a high-pressure situation, it's natural to speed up your thinking. Don't do it!

Moving too fast often leads you to act before you're ready. You don't think as clearly as you normally would, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry observe. You jump to conclusions. You miss key information.

The solution? Slow down. Give yourself a second to breathe and formulate a plan. You'll think more flexibly, creatively, and attentively, they promise, and your work will be all the better for it.

Squeeze a ball (really).
Yes, "stress balls" are an office cliché — but according to Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry there's a good reason for that: They work.

One of the reasons you clam up in high-pressure situations is that there's a constant, unhelpful thought loop running through your head. "How am I doing?" you keep wondering, even though you're doing fine — or you would be, if you could shut your brain up.

That's where the stress ball comes in. When you squeeze a ball with your left hand, you're able to activate the parts of your brain that control unconscious responses, while simultaneously suppressing the parts of your brain that oversees self-conscious thinking.

Share the pressure.
Telling someone else about the pressure you're feeling has been proven to reduce anxiety and stress, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry report.

But there's another bonus: Sharing your feelings allows you to "examine them, challenge their reality, and view a pressure situation in a realistic manner." And it's likely the person you're sharing your feelings with will have some feedback, too — feedback you might never have gotten had you stewed solo.

16 times work makes you feel like eating pizza




It's simple: Pizza is life.
Indisputable facts of life:
  • Pizza Day was the best day of the lunch menu in grade school.
  • Offering free pizza will get anybody to show up to your event.
  • Pizza has the emotional depth to explain how you can feel at work.
Don't believe that last one? Here are 16 times work can make you feel like pizza:


1. When you're still waiting for a meeting room to empty out so your group can get in…five minutes after you were scheduled to start:


2. When nobody can decide where the group should get lunch, and you're just like:


3. When you've already got too much work on your plate:


4. When a meeting is dragging onto its third hour and you were only asked to "sit in":


5. When you're checking your email on Monday morning:


6. When you're trying to keep your presentation interesting:


7. When you decide you're leaving work half an hour early:


8. When you ask for a raise and your boss says yes:


9. When you ask for a raise and your boss says no:


10. When your department gets a budget increase and you're all like:
'

11. When you get Wifi in the entire building:


12. When you and the group were on different pages for the project's goals:


13. When work pays for your entire business trip:


14. When nobody appreciates the extra work you did:


15. When you make a bad career exit:


16. When you work your way up to a career goal