Say it right: How to navigate a difficult conversation

Robert Half International

There's nothing easy about difficult workplace conversations and, unfortunately, these awkward talks aren't uncommon. At some point, you may need to ask a colleague to redo his work on an important project, for instance, or let your boss know you can't meet the deadline she set.

Following are some tips to help you successfully navigate these challenging conversations:

Evaluate the circumstances

Before you say anything, weigh the pros and cons of speaking up. How well do you know the person? How important is it that you say something? What have you done that might have contributed to the situation? What type of response can you expect from the other person?

Make sure you understand the facts before approaching someone about a problem so you can go into the conversation with a well-thought-out game plan. For example, if you have bad news to report, you should also have a solution in mind. If you have a complaint to share, consider if you deserve any of the blame.

You'll also need to keep your audience in mind. If you're broaching a difficult subject with your manager or an executive, you'll have to walk a finer line than with peers.

Think before you speak

Take a step back if you're angry or frustrated. Things you say in the heat of the moment can do more harm than good. Give yourself some time to come up with the right response.

Consider time and place

Unless an issue is extremely urgent, avoid initiating a difficult talk when the recipient is likely to be distracted or focused on something else. You might wait until your boss has caught up on email in the morning, for instance.

Another tip: Never confront someone in a group setting. That's a good way to embarrass the person and put him or her on the defensive. Wait until you can have a private conversation.

Be polite

Your tone and body language can reveal any underlying anger or frustration. You don't want your comments to sound more accusatory than conciliatory, for instance. If a colleague plays music that you find distracting, a remark like "Do you have to listen to this noise so loudly?" probably won't help you convince the person to turn it down. Instead, try: "I'm under a tight deadline and having trouble concentrating. Would you mind using headphones, at least until I'm done with this project?"

Also, strive to take the high road even when a co-worker doesn't. Sarcastic comments or unnecessary criticism in response to verbal jabs from your counterpart will just cause the conversation to deteriorate. If you sense your frustration level rising, suggest that the two of you continue the discussion at a later time.

Reach an agreement

Try not to end a conversation without coming to some sort of resolution, and understand that solving the issue may involve a compromise. The colleague who annoys you by playing music may agree to use headphones in the morning if she can use speakers in the afternoon, when things have slowed down.

In most cases, how well you navigate a difficult conversation depends on your positioning. You might find people are more receptive to your idea if you present it as a way to become more efficient or get more accomplished, for example. Avoiding words like never or always also can help because these terms can put others on the defensive.

Finally, always listen to and respect the other person's perspective. You are, after all, having a conversation. Keeping this in mind as you broach a challenging topic will help you set the stage for a successful exchange.

Source: careerbuilder

I hate my new job – and I can't quit

Beth Braccio Hering,

Benny Hsu of Jacksonville, Fla., works in a restaurant. Like many employees, he finds himself in a tricky situation: He dislikes his job but believes he can't quit. "I feel like I have no other option," Hsu says. "If I leave, I won't have enough money to pay my mortgage."

While workers may bemoan "sticking it out" until prospects or finances improve, there are actions they can take to benefit both their current situation and their future career path. 

Here are seven strategies for making the most of an undesirable new job.

1. Give it some time

Being the new person can be tough. Allow some time to bond with co-workers and become familiar with workplace operations. Days may pass more pleasantly as you begin to feel comfortable with others and more confident about your performance.

2. Be realistic

When you're unhappy, it is easy to dwell on everything that is wrong and to glamorize other places. "The fact is that the grass isn't always greener, and every workplace has its share of good and bad," says Elizabeth Freedman, author of "Work 101: Learning the Ropes of the Workplace without Hanging Yourself" and "The MBA Student's Job-Seeking Bible." "Lousy bosses and office politics exist everywhere, so don't assume that your job woes will disappear if you get hired someplace else. Be sure that your expectations are in check so that you don't wind up leaving a job for something that doesn't really exist."

3. Make it a learning experience

Evaluate why you hate this job and what would make you happier. Failure to do so may lead to repeating the same scenario down the road.

"You can get a job offer on the other side of the planet, but you're still going to be the one working in it," Freedman says. "If you hate the 9-to-5 lifestyle, don't know what you want to do with your life or simply are feeling worried and anxious about the future, those issues will be right there with you, too, no matter where you work."

Krista Regedanz, a Palo Alto, Calif., psychologist specializing in job-related issues and anxiety, recommends writing down answers to questions such as:

• Who am I as a person and as a professional?


• What do I value most?


• What are my goals for the next quarter, year and five years?

Then, see how your answers conflict with your present position. By focusing on what you truly want, you'll know what to look for as you bide your time until a better fit comes along.

4. Look at the bigger career picture

While sticking around may benefit your wallet now, it might help it in the future as well. "Don't leave before you've got some meaty accomplishments and tangible results to put on your résumé," Freedman says. "Leaving too soon may hurt your chances of being competitive against other job seekers at your age or level with more expertise than you." Another good reason to stay: Job-hopping gets mixed reviews from hirers. If your résumé lists too many jobs in too short a time, employers may rightly question your motives and loyalty.

5. Be good to yourself

If a career situation has you down, do what you can to make yourself feel better both physically and mentally. Regedanz suggests:

• Getting enough sleep.


• Exercising regularly.


• Scheduling time for quality relaxation that leaves you feeling refreshed.


• Spending time with people you care about.


• Finding ways to bring more meaning into your life, such as by volunteering or taking a class.

6. Know that this too shall pass

Have you ever convinced a skeptical child that a shot would hurt only momentarily and then things would be better? The same holds true for a bad job. Frustration becomes easier to tolerate when you treat it as a temporary state rather than a lifelong sentence.

7. Find the bright side

Finally, while you need not be a consistently perky Pollyanna, thinking about the benefits that come from your labor may offer a new perspective.

Hsu admits that he used to have problems seeing beyond his dislike for his job, but he says he has learned to focus on the positive. "Be thankful for the simple things in life and what you have," he says. "Appreciate that you have a roof over your head, hot meals and a bed to sleep on every night. Don't always think about how much you hate your job because you'll keep digging yourself into a hole that'll be hard to get out of. Change your thoughts, and it'll change your situation."

Source: careerbuilder

10 commandments for cubicle dwellers

By Alina Dizik,

Still gunning for that corner office? First you've got to learn how to work in your company's cubicle farm. Not sure how to navigate the unspoken rules to be the perfect cubicle dweller? Here, experts weigh in on the 10 commandments:

Focus and refocus

Because of the possibility for constant interruptions, it's important to set priorities. "If you don't know your complete inventory of work and you can't instantly refocus on the next priority -- or your manager's emergency du jour -- you won't work well in a cubicle because there are too many interruptions," says Scot Herrick, founder of Cuberules.com.

Make it comfortable

Whether you want to be seated with your back to the hallway or watching those who pass by your cube, arrange your space the way you want it, Herrick suggests. Add photos or decorations to create a more personalized and comfortable environment. "You spend all this time there [so] make your space your space," he says.

 

Stay off speaker phone

It's easy to simply start dialing on your desk phone and never pick up the receiver, but it's important to know that those around you don't want to hear your whole conversation. Pick up the phone or use a headset. "For some reason, it is easier to tune out a person on the phone with a one-sided conversation than hearing both sides," Herrick says.

Go elsewhere for meetings

"Don't hold a never-ending parade of meetings at your desk," Herrick says. Instead, be more considerate to those around you and find a conference room or grab a coffee for longer talks. While holding shorter conversations at your cubicle is not taboo, using your space as a boardroom can be very distracting to your neighbors.

Be careful of what you say

Even when you don't see the people around you -- all of your conversations are still being heard. Be especially careful when speaking negatively about work related matters. And avoid any foul language, says Jacqueline Peros, founder of JMP Image and Style Group.

Avoid informal gatherings

While it's okay to stop by for some quick catching up, it can be easy to get caught up on the details of a co-worker's personal dilemma, Persos says. If a conversation is lingering on for too long, suggest a time to grab lunch or coffee in the break room to catch up with your co-worker when you're away from your cubicle.

Be mindful of volume

Don't disturb others with your ringing devices. Set your desk phone to low volume and your cell phone to vibrate. If you're watching a video on your computer be sure to use headphones. With so many electronic devices it's important to keep the volume at a level that won't disturb your neighbors.

Use your indoor voice

Most cubicle dwellers have trouble keeping their voices down, especially when they talk on the phone. Staying aware of your own volume can help. "Some individuals are not aware of how loud their voice projects," Peros says. "If you think it might be too loud, ask your cube neighbors to weigh in and let you know."

Befriend your neighbors

There's no way to be completely isolated from your neighbors, so it's important that you build a comfortable communication style. "Keeping an open and honest dialogue with your cube neighbors is a great way to build a mutually collaborative and productive work environment for everyone," Peros says.

Use your manners

No matter what you do in a cubicle, your actions are always on display. Each time you come to work, make sure you're at your most professional. "Manners are extremely important when working in a cube environment because everyone is sharing a common public space," Peros says. 

Source: careerbuilder