By Justin Thompson,
No one is perfect. In trying to be the best version of ourselves, we must occasionally fail and learn from our mistakes. Part of this learning process involves receiving criticism from others. While it can be difficult to hear criticism from peers, co-workers, a manager or any authority figure, there are often lessons to be learned from their feedback.
In her book, "Communicate with Confidence," author Dianna Booher shares eight tips on how to accept and learn from criticism more easily:
1. Take a reality check:
You're asking for criticism on the job if you're typically late,
unprepared, disorganized, uncooperative, disrespectful of others or
apathetic toward your duties. If you think you're under constant
scrutiny, it may be worth evaluating whether the comments are true.
Think about how you can change your behavior to avoid such problems.
2. Stifle your denial and counterattack: If your manager
sits you down for a healthy dose of performance feedback, don't
immediately shut him down. Have an open mind, be willing to understand
his viewpoint and ask for elaboration. By choosing to "one up" the
person talking, you only aggravate what is likely an already awkward
situation.
3. Own up: Don't blame others for things you
can control. If you needed more help from teammates or co-workers on a
big project rollout, ultimately it's your responsibility to ask a
manager for help. Don't blame the folks in IT or design
over what is your responsibility. If a project fails to meet a deadline
or your manager's expectations, accept responsibility for your part.
Don't list all the reasons you're not at fault. Booher also says that
accepting blame in a superficial or sarcastic way doesn't fix a
long-term problem, and that convincing yourself that the issue is no big
deal perpetuates problematic behavior. However, there is a difference
between accepting responsibility and accepting blame. By disengaging
from the anger and resolving to help correct the situation, you move the
conversation beyond finger-pointing.
4. Get facts or descriptions, not opinions:
Opinions are assumptions made about you based on things that have
transpired; if you're receiving criticism, be sure to get details and
descriptions of the things that specifically caused the work problem.
Don't accept generalizations; instead, ask for clarity or specific
examples so that you're able to address issues in the future. This also
keeps the conversation focused on your work instead of your personality
or lifestyle.
5. Focus on the future: After owning up to a
mistake or situation that may have gone awry, rechannel your emotional
response and begin focusing logically on how to avoid such conflict in
the future. Ask your boss
what she might do in your shoes, agree on a plan for change and set
timelines to help reinforce positive change. Mapping out a course of
change is easier than just sitting at your desk and knowing you have to
do something differently.
6. Take your time: If you're not
sure whether to agree with someone's criticism, or if the person giving
it seems to be upset or angry about something else entirely, feel free
to take a moment to process it all. It's OK to acknowledge the criticism
and ask for time to think it over. Instead of immediately reacting,
your calm and collected demeanor can keep the issue from escalating or
extending beyond the facts at hand.
7. Keep your perspective:
As Booher suggests, "Either change your goal, change his or her opinion
or decide that this person's assessment doesn't count." Bitterness is
usually felt for things you can't -- or in some cases won't -- change.
It's also good to remember your list of strengths and not let one
weakness cloud over your positive traits or skills.
8. Evaluate word choice and body language:
When dealing with criticism, try to understand the person offering it
and the value of what is being said. By listening to the word choice and
observing body language,
you'll be able to tell if his comments are logical or emotional. "If
that person's intention is to help you improve, try to forget the
framework for the comments and latch on to the benefit," Booher says.
She also says that some people are more inept at offering criticism than
others. Some criticize just to criticize and pick apart someone's
lifestyle, behavior, appearance, etc., without sharing anything
constructive. It's important to remember that constructive criticism can help you improve your efforts in the workplace, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over one mistake.
By
listening to and accepting constructive criticism, you'll not only
improve your skills, but you'll also strengthen your ability to
communicate and handle conflict in the workplace.