A difficult relationship with your boss can make every aspect of your
work more challenging. It's a tough situation, but it's not necessarily
a hopeless one.
Yes, in cases of true ineptitude or incompatibility, it might be best
to seek employment elsewhere. But in many others, learning to make the
best of the predicament can be the smartest move. Whether your manager
is inconsistent, authoritarian or simply doesn't mesh with your
personality or work style, the characteristics that make him hard to
work with are often the ones that can teach you the most.
Here are five valuable skills you can learn from having a difficult boss:
1. What not to do: Modeling yourself after someone
you admire is useful, but there's nothing like a front-row seat on
unproductive behavior to help you crystallize your own professional
values and style.
Learning what not to do is especially helpful if you currently manage others or hope to do so in the future.
Taking note of the effects of the behavior on staff can yield
leadership lessons more memorable than any business school could
provide.
2. Self-reliance: A manager who doesn't always
provide you with adequate resources or direction can force you to become
more resourceful and assertive. You may need to learn to gather the
information or support you require from others or figure out how to move
forward with a project when details are fuzzy.
Similarly, a boss who doesn't adequately recognize or appreciate your efforts
can lead you to develop your own sense of the value of your
contributions. The result can be a sturdier sense of satisfaction and
confidence.
3. How to choose your battles: When working for a
challenging boss, everyday conversations can seem like combat. From
requesting feedback to defending a decision you made to explaining why
you think a certain course of action is the right one, you know to
expect a tense and difficult discussion.
View these interactions as learning opportunities -- when it's worth
bringing up an issue, when to push back and when to let a matter drop.
Being able to distinguish between a garden-variety difference of opinion
and a significant concern can help you establish effective working
relationships with colleagues.
4. Diplomacy: Some of the most professionally
valuable interpersonal skills, such as working toward compromise and
building consensus, can be learned only by dealing with difficult
people. That's why a little incompatibility with your manager can be a
good thing. In an ever-shifting work environment, the ability to communicate with those who see things differently than you is indispensable.
5. Team building: When
your supervisor isn't as supportive as you'd like, it can motivate you
to seek out and cultivate nurturing professional relationships with
others. A mentor, for example, can be especially valuable for those who
don't find their boss to be role-model material. The situation might
also spur you to form closer relationships with colleagues who may be
struggling with some of the same issues you do.
None of this is to suggest that a contentious relationship with your
manager is an enviable state of affairs. It's all too easy to let a
difficult boss discourage you, cause you to question the value of your
work or serve as an excuse not to deliver your best. But by treating the
situation as a growth opportunity rather than a hardship, you give
yourself a chance to emerge from the experience stronger and better
prepared to meet the next challenges your career brings your way.
When that happens, don't be surprised if your opinion of your former
boss changes. Years from now, you might realize that a manager who
seemed hypercritical or overly demanding was simply trying to bring out
your best or force you out of your comfort zone.
That's why it's worthwhile to take a step back from your situation
and ask yourself if there are things you can appreciate about your boss
now. If so, you might be inspired to work toward a more productive
professional relationship. And even if the answer is a resounding "No,"
you'll know it's not the end of the world.